Holiday Equation

Huge Christmas Dinner + Lots of booze - Giant dry dump = Very sore ass

Worst insult

Lets face it, since I'm white the racial names have no effect on my mood except to maybe make me hungry. Seriously, calling me a cracker or white bread rolls right off my back. What I hate is when somebody says "I had you pegged the second I met you. I knew you were such and such, this way or that." (Of course that not an exact quote, you're supposed to fill in different traits for 'such and such' and 'this way or that').

First of all, to be that transparent to somebody I just meet scares me. "Hello, nice to meet you" is all they need to know my personality and what I'm likely to do in a crowded setting? How outwardly projective of me. I know all you asses who caught that redundacy are fuming right now, to which I laugh. Redundancy has a way of pissing people off that I've never quite understood. I had (have) a friend it did it on purpose to annoy his mom.
" Look mom, there goes a police cop."
"Thats redundant."
"Repetitively redundant?"
So anyways to counteract these apparent super observants one must create a false sense of mystery to avoid being instantly pegged. Unless of course they peg you as someone you creates false senses of mystery, then you should run in fear. And I guess if you are naturally mysterious I guess you have to act predictably. So if you're predictable wear a cape. If you're mysterious for the love of God quit wearing that cape, and shave that thin curly mustache (to stop the stroking while thinking of something devious), and get contacts to replace that monacle (seriously, who wears a monacle these days). Apparently I find Mr. Peanut to be one mysterious, evil nut. (legume?)

Second of all, these quality peggers will not let you forget that they pegged you right of the bat. Constantly reminding you of your transparency to the world and lack of a unique defining quality. How easily you can be pigeon-holed into a certain group. I wonder where that term originated? Hmm.. that was not a question. I will not edit that though. Has anyone seen a pigeon hole?
But quality peggers are annoying because nobody likes a braggard. Unless of course they're bragging about something you did as a team. Then you can sit back and take the reflective awe while people inwardly hate the person doing the bragging.

And thats all I have to say about that.
Good day to you.

Time Lapse

We've all seen those videos people have put together to watch things in super speed. You know the ones where a girl ages overs 3 years or you watch a pumpkin rot before your eyes. But what I want to know is why don't people use time lapse to solve one of the greatest unsolved mysteries that exists today.

We need someone to set up a time lapse camera to videotape cords. Thats right, cords. Power cords, extension cords, headphones, Christmas lights, we need them videotaped. How can I always put them way, coiled or just mashed, and find them a knotted mess when I go to use them again. Even when I just jam the headphones in my pocket somehow my apparent knotting expertise kicks in and somehow loops the headphones in and around each other multiple times without my knowledge. You would think I'm just layering the wire on top of itself leading to easy unravelling, but no, every time I pull my headphones out of my pocket I get a nice mangled ball.
When I coil up an extension and cord and throw it in the garage, relatively still coiled, and come back to mow the lawn again it still looks coiled, but its NOT. The knotting sneakily occured and was unseen by the naked eye. Only after a couple passes on the lawn do you feel resistance, look back, and find your friend, the mangled mess, dragging behind you.

So to all aspiring artists, scientists or knottists(scouts, sailors, woodsmen, dominatrices) I urge you to figure out the mystery of the knotting cord/wire.

The most annoying thing is when I want to knot something it comes undone within the hour. I guess I should stop trying to tie my shoes and instead pile the laces on top, come back the next day and I should find them knotted securely atop me shoes.