Easiest Job in the World

When people discuss the easiest jobs in the world, I often think of this one job in the fashion field. No, not modelling nor photography. Hell, its not even abract art, although its pretty close. My winner for easiest job has to go to the men and women whe design tie patterns. I don't even know if you can call it design when its this bad.

Old Person Award

This award goes to the funniest elder that I happen to pass at anytime.

Today I was walking through the Eaton's Centre, it was raining outside. Now as I was just leaving Sears I saw this old lady approaching the Wish Station (a Sears display for Christmas gift ideas). This is the interaction between the lady and and the saleswoman.
Mind you, the lady was about 70 and had an english accent.
Lady: "Excuse miss, but is this a wish station?"
sales: " Yes ma'am, it is."
Lady: " Excellent! In that case I would like to wish for... some tuna melts"

Now for those of you who know of my habit of mishearing things this is how the rest of the conversation happened.

sales: " Um, excuse me? Tuna melts?"
Lady: " Yes dear, that is correct. I wish for tuna melts"

Now I rarely mishear the exact same thing twice so I'm positive of what I heard. I kept walking before I heard how the saleswoman handled the situation.

This is a tru story. I could not make it up. Well, actually I probably could with my fellow story collaborators (you know who you are). But I swear on my left nut that this is true.

Merry Christmas to all and to all a good tuna melt!

Care Bears

So here's what I've been thinking about for...well... the past 10 minutes. The Care Bears always talk about helping and sharing and caring, but where the hell are Hugs and Tugs' parents? Seriously, they better have a good reason for dumping the cubs, the only cubs in Care-A-Lot by the way, off on old Grams Bear.

Wait a second, there are 2 cubs and only 1 elder? What are these bears really doing? Did Grams bear get a stay of execution because she someohow talked the other bears into taking care of the cubs? Tenderheart and Lionheart probably ship the oldies to face off against No Heart ( ooh I found a rare pic of him without his hood on).

Ok say Care Bears just disappear as the age or something nice like turning into a rainbow. And there must be at least one elder, much like Smurfs and the Ewoks (ok 2 here, but one was a witch doctor so lets not count him). But the fact still remains that every bear called Grams, Grams. Was she everyone's grandma? Sure it may be a name, but then was she called Grams when she was in her prime? I don't think so. You would think that she'd at least be one of the regular bears parents or they would consider her more of a mother than a grandmother.

So quick recap of the show Care Bears,
Demographics based on age are completely out of whack, 2 kids, 1 elder, a lot of adults, the future does not look to bright.
Beastly, still have no clue what he was supposed to be. A partly shaved wombat is my best guess.
Share Bear was always banished to do PSAs. Did anyone ever see her doing anything to fight evil?
Grumpy was very complex, he cared but wanted you to be in a bad mood. There was no rule he had to spread cheer so by god he didn't. Gotta look up to that kids.
Care Bear Stare? Are light projections of hearts, clouds and moons really that powerful? Am I to believe I could stop a robbery using my trusty flashlight and box of Lucky Charms, theres a good lesson for impressionable children.

All in all, a great children's tv program. Honest.

Loading Bars

Everyone sees them and I'm sure everyone of you at one point in time was completely dependent on one of those suckers. There is an abundance of nervous pacing and finger biting that goes on, hoping to God that your essay saves or some online exam uploads correctly and within the space limits and before the deadline. I've recently been informed by the son of a programmer that these life-stopping progress completely at random, however that tidbit of knowledge did not deter this ranter. For what bothers me has nothing to do with the actual mechanics of the loading bar, but the service that it provides.

I hate, I HATE, the loading bars that just continuously cycle through the bar seemingly to no end. What in the world is that supposed to accomplish? Fill up, empty, fill up, empty, fill up, empty, retarded I tell ya.

Randomly filled or not, the single progression bar is key. Why you ask? Simply put, its a placebo for the user. Constantly needing to know how much is left to go and getting (supposed) instant feedback is not only satisfying, but reassuring to the user. Honestly, how many of you have cancelled a certain load because the damn load bar is on its millionth cycle through? I know I sure have. Cussing was probably involved. But if you come back from a nice meal of bologna sandwich and potato chips and find that only a seventh of the bar has loaded it gives you a time frame. Sure you may be annoyed by the slowness but at least you can make a more educated decision on what to do with your time. And in this hustle bustle work-a-day world isn't that all we truly want? Time frames?

Man, thats kinda sad. Well, I shall now upload this rant (loaded to you by now)
*Obvious Alarm*....
*Geek Alarm* (damn thing always goes off after the obvious alarm)
All thats left is for me to watch the load bar and hope it faithfully gets yet another rant posted.

Peace.

Holy Fuck

Ok so who has managed to last a full year here at Rombus Rants? Because honestly, even though I started this page last year on my birthday, I didn't realize I had this much hilarious (?) hostility buit up in me... I had a suspicion it was semi funny. But thank you all for sticking with me through thick ( month between postings) and thin ( hours between postings). You all keep me going. Even though most of you a-holes do not comment I know you've read the minimal profile.

So in honour of my birhtday/ anniversary of my site, I give you the top ten reasons why Hallowe'en is the best holiday of the year.

10. Devon's witty (Oct 29th 9:05 posting) commentary about how he beat me out of the womb five days early. I don't really know how someone can brag about prematurity more than this guy, but he manages to anyways.
9. Who else woke up every morning on their birthday with a sack (pillow case) full of candy beside their bed. (Shamu I realize you experienced this also as Nov. 2nd baby, unless of course you were a fucking horrible glutton... hmmmmm)
8. The Fuckin' Rocky Horror Picture Show. If you do not love it then you officially suck. Especially if any another musical, (ie Grease) appears in your favourite movie list.
7. Why the fuck did I make this a top ten list?
6. You're able to dress up like these guys. Who happen to look an awful lot like these guys.
5. If you're the only dressed up, you can still manage to make everyone else around you feel like an idiot for not being in a costume.
4. Even if you forget your birthday, there is always someone at the Hallowe'en party to remind you at midnight.
3. Fuck why did I do a top ten? I realize fillers like this are a cop out, but here you go ladies and gents. HAHAHA you liked them both... admit it.
2. Ugh I just fell asleep for an hour there trying to think of two more reasons. Lets just say the ladies are wicked on Hallowe'en night.
1. But even if they're not as professional as those in #2 the ladies at your Hallowe'en party still find it to be an appropriate occasion to extra scanty!

Yes I made a top ten. I don't care how much you hate (like)it... I'm sleeping now.

G'nite.
Steve