Remember the days when...

you thought beer tasted horrible? I'm glad those are over.

2nd Floor

Seriously, how many people live/work on the 2nd floor of apartments/office buildings? All I know is its a heck of a lot more than any other floors. Every time I think I'm at the ground level some arse makes the damn thing stop on 2. Take the stairs, it'll most likely be quicker most of the time, depending on the size of the building. Also, think of your health, because one day someone's gonna snap and you 2nd floorers will be in for a world of hurt.

Elevator etiquette

Ok so I am coming up to the elevators and from the other side I see someone also going for the elevators. It just so happens that I get to the button first. I push up and the button turns green to obviously signal that its been pressed. Not even 5 seconds go by and this guy also pushes the button. Moron. Does he think the elevator senses the urgency with which he needs to get up? If you see someone already waiting its a safe bet the elevator has been called. And even more if you're on the ground floor you can bet it will be going up. There's no need to make your stake on the elevator! This goes triple for when you actually see the person press the button not even a moment before you. Maybe the guy was going for my hand then tried to play it cool, I don't know. I guess he decided to make me angry rather than make me feel awkward.

There will be times, and this has happened to me, when you find yourself waiting with a bunch a people and someone will inevitably ask, "Has anyone pushed the button?" But c'mon, how many times can you share a chuckle with a bunch a strangers. In fact, those moments bring about a sense of community. Nothing builds community better than a shared moment of stupidity.

INSIDE:
Luckily, I work at a place with news tickers in the upper corner. So instead of the awkward walk in, turn 180 degrees and stare forward maneuver you can send your gaze upwards and hopefully catch a tidbit to pass on to a coworker.
Sometimes I enjoy standing beneath the ticker and watching was the other people try to avoid looking at this piece of work. It may be consider poor etiquette, but I don't stare at them. I use my periphery vision. Which is excellent thank you very much. (Please don't try to blindside me anything to test out that claim)

There are other things like chatting which are fine but I'll leave on one important note. Odors left in the elevator should only be good. Wait to rip one out until you have left and the doors have closed. That is unless your friend will be only for a few more floors with the stink. In which case, do your worst.
I had the pleasure of entering an elevator that was just recently inhabited by a somebody's lunch. It made the trip to the ground floor very enjoyable. I believe all elevators should be equipped with delicious smelling odorizers. That would make the world a better place. Remember you heard it here first.

How to Represent Ontario

So what does $219,000 buy you? Apparently, the most in depth research you could ever hope for. After extensive research, the Liberals have discovered how best to describe the good people of Ontario.

Just take a look at the new logo.

Do you see it? Thats right, as many have pointed out, the new logo is of 3 people chilling in a hot tub. Sure the old Trillium logo was simple and distinguished, but the new logo tells the rest of the country that Ontarians (Ontarionians?) know how to kick back and relax after a hard days work. I for one give my approval.

Chopsticks

Seriously, I do not understand all the hubbub about chopsticks. Every time I go out with friends, somebody always gets the sushi or some noodle/rice dish, then inevitably out come the chopsticks. Now I'm not trying to be culturally ignorant or anything, but are you kidding me? I ask them, "Why the fuck do you use chopsticks"? I either get one of two replies: 1. I like to... they're fun. b) I find them easier to use.

Easier to use than a fork? My ass. Fucking abacusses (abaci?) are easy to use, but I'd still take a calculator any day of the week. I don't care how much of a wizard you are with an abacus. And yes, thats how much more technically advanced I feel a fork is to chopsticks. Until somebody gives me a truly understandable explanation which totally eclipses the ones above I will maintain this position.

You may think my inability to use them may be the source of my jadedness, but that would be implying that that is a skill that I wish to acquire. I don't. Unless, it leads to the ability of writing two separate notes with the same hand. Imagine the possibilities.

Ironically, I'm wicked at the piano version of chopsticks and will continue to play with my fist till the end of days.