What's Gayer?

So recently during a stats class my friend leans over and asks 'Yo, whats gayer? Giving or taking?" I replied " Whaaaat?", " giving or taking? Up the bum. Whats gayer?" I then said " Giving is less gayer man, whats with you?" He replied, " Seriously? Why am I the only one that thinks taking is less gay?" I didn't have the heart to tell him. It was in the middle of stats class after all.

So for his sake I wish to give my explanation to my answer of why giving less gay.
Lets say I'm led into a room with two watermelon sized holes in the wall. All of a sudden two bums are pushed through the holes, seemingly identical. I am then told one is a female bum, the other being male. Then I am told to "do" one of these bums that have been presented to me. Lets say I have no choice and am able to be aroused in such a high pressure situation and after my best guess choose a bum to "do". The entire time I can think " I sure hope this is the female bum. It must be the female bum. I'm not gay. I'm sure I picked right." I can then leave, convincing myself no homosexual act had taken place.

Now lets take the alternate approach. Lets say I'm led into a room with a girl. They tell us to pull down our pants. I'd be thinking this could be good. Then we're told to push our asses through the watermelon sized holes in the wall. All of a sudden I am being taken up the bum. Lets forget the shame of the girl having a more manly ass than I, I don't know maybe the guy is gay. But there would be no way to convince myself this was heterosexual. Maybe its a girl with a strap-on you say? I say, artificial or authentic there is still a wang up yer bum. And I could not leave thinking something not of my liking had occurred.

So there you have it. My explanation as to why giving is less gay. If anyone has a rebuttal then please share. Please no ragging on my friend. He's a good guy.

Marmaduke

I get it, you're a big dog. Now be funny or else get out of the comics.

Unsatisfied

Picture this. You're driving down the highway. Kim Mitchell is on the radio and you've just belted out "Those patio lanterns they were uh err uh yeahhh......patio lanterns!". Then all of a sudden some moron comes zooming up beside you and cuts you off making a lane change. Instinctively, you slam your hand into the middle of the wheel and 'Thud'. What?!?! Where is the blare of the horn to let that jackass know he almost killed someone?

I know its not on every car, but at least the ones a drive at home, that is where the airbag lies. Meanwhile, the horn button has been relegated to the side of the wheel, accessible only to one's thumbs. Come on now! But by the time I figure out where the horn is, the moment has completely passed. And half the relief/fun of honking the horn is the whole arm action of slamming into it. What kind of satisfaction comes from pressing your thumb on a button? If anything it just bottles up your aggression, leading to aneurysms and whatnot later on in life.

The only time the button horn is good is for when you're angry and instead of a big intimidating HONK, your car lets out some pathetic, wimpish beep. Whooo, don't mess with me man or I'll beep at you and cause you to laugh so hard you veer of the road. So if i know my car has the beep than the thumb button can save a moment of embarrassment. But that is it's only positive. I can't stress that enough.

Bad news

So I had a couple lighthearted things that I wanted to spout off, but they will have to be used for another day.

This past monday my good friend and current roommate received the devastating news that her father had passed away. This comes as a complete shock to everyone as he appeared in good health. I never really know what to say in these situations. I tend to stay quiet and just be there because I'm likely to say something inappropriate in a pathetic attempt to lighten mood.

Now I couldn't even fathom losing a parent as I find it hard enough thinking about my extended family that has passed away. I don't want to say it was "His time" cuz I don't know if there is some almighty plan. What I do know is that he left behind two beautiful, fun-loving girls that loved him very much. You can tell because only someone who was truly loved could cause such sorrow when they're gone. I know he was a good man as he was the only one in the family I never heard a bad thing about.

If you happen to be the praying type please keep the family in your thoughts. If you're not then at least pour one out for the homies.

Rest in peace

A Venting for the New Year

Well finally back to the rant. I hope ye all had a good time over the holidays. I've heard great stories ranging from dislocating elbows in the Dominican to skiing at Blue Mountain to partying in Swiss cheese land (Switzerland). One thing I looked forward to after the holidays is people stop abusing the word 'sleeps' so frequently. For me 'sleeps' is a verb and only a verb as in "He sleeps in his bed" or " She sleeps with her toe in her ear". Sleeps should not be used as a synonym for nights, ie "4 more sleeps till Christmas". I'd accept " 4 more nights of sleep till Christmas". Although not spelling out a number less than ten is taboo as well. People will argue sleeps is the plural of sleep. Wrong! That would be like saying deers is the plural of deer. Just because 's' pluralizes a fuck load of things/actions/words doesn't mean it pluralizes everything.

On to other topics. Over the holidays I went from being pretty shaggy to a more clean cut look. I tend to do this mainly out of the fact the haircuts are just inconvenient. One of the hardest things I find about this transition (aside from not recognizing my reflection right away) is I can't judge how much shampoo to use. I use less but its still usually way to much. I find I get way to much freaking lather that just becomes impossible to manage.
I brought this up with ' Dislocated in Dominican' who said "Try it with one freaking arm in a garbage bag!" As pouring shampoo onto the bagged hand is futile, one must resort to just pouring the shampoo from the bottle straight onto the head. Since you already have water pouring down on you, I can only imagine how hard it is to judge how much you've poured onto your hair. I'd probably cover my head with shampoo before any lathering is started, which I believe this fellow does.

Has anyone had a Hop'n Go? Its a muffin in bar form. Man, those things are so fucking dense. I can be starving, but I still find it an accomplishment when I finish one off. And its not like they are that big to begin with.

What the hell are you supposed to do when your walking behind your boss at work and he just lets one rip? I just tried not to laugh too loud.

I got some more to vent but I'll save that for another day as to make the posts more frequent.
Remember, there's about 354 more nights of sleep till Christmas.