Thanks A Lot

I find it damn near impossible to say those words without a sarcastic undertone. Even when I genuinely mean it. No matter how cheery or appreciative I try to make it, there is always something that makes me leave wondering if the receiver took it as 'Thanks for nothing'. That is why I tend to revert to the 'Thank you very much' if I want to convey appreciation greater than just a simple thanks.

So, for the record, if we ever happen to cross paths in the future and I say 'Thanks a lot' I do truly mean it. Unless of course you were actually being a jerk then it was sarcasm and I meant "Thanks for nothing...jerk".

The Art of Commenting

FYI - You can comment under anonymous if you don't wish to sign up. If you wish to be known just type your name in the comment people. Or you could simply use the Other option and type your name where it says name. Some have figured that out and to you a tummy rub is deserved. To the others... well... now you know. Rub your own damn tummies.

Drunken Santa

This is an adult twist to the Secret Santa things that usually start up around this time. It takes a lot less thought and should wind up in a lot of fun. I find the risk involved with the regular SS is that I may 1) have no idea what to get my person and/or 2) wind up with a crap gift (a ton of candy) cuz my santa had no clue what to get me. So I came up with what I call Drunken Santa which has more of a definite payback while keeping the surprise factor. Ok so here's how the whole thing works.

In order to be involved you must like drinking, sorry to exclude the sobers, you may participate but you getting anything in return is unlikely. Ok, so at your Christmas party, I'm sure there will be at least one with just a bunch of friends, if you want to be involved you must bring something to drink. Mickey's work well or 60's of beer. I guess as long as you hit the $15-$20 dollar mark your good. You could go real fancy if you feel like it.
Then everybody stands with the drink they brought.
one by one you pick names out of a hat/basket/pot/bra cup whatever. Whomever's name you pick out of the hat, You're drinking the drink that they brought.

You're probably thinking 'Fuck that, I don't like a lot of liquors! I can only drink what I'm used to or else I'll be sick." As a lover of a variety of drinks I say " Tough nooggies!" I'm willing to risk having to drink Malibu rum or Fireball whiskey, but hey thats why they invented chasers. And after a few drinks I'm sure people will be willing to share their new gift. And isn't that really what the holidays are all about... the sharing.

So if you are a sober and you enjoy the giving aspect you're welcome to partake. However, it'd be rude not to take a little sample of your santa's drink. Keep that in mind.
Merry Holidays!


Let me know of any ways to improve this concept as this idea is still just a baby. I was thinking of maybe incorporating a stealing method where after everyone has picked you go in the opposite order and allow one switch per person. This may make the more nervous people feel safer in getting a drink they prefer, however it may also make them a target for the more sinister of partiers.

Whats to do in Heaven?

I was reading a message board where someone posted the question '' Regardless of your beliefs, if you could choose what happens after you die, would you choose the risk/reward scenario of a heaven or hell or would you choose nothingness?" And that got me to thinking.

I always figured if a heaven existed than that would be awesome cuz I always thought of it as a place where you could live out all your fantasies. Then it occurred to me that a lot of fantasies a quite sinful. Not just sexual fantasies, even pigging out on desserts is the sin of gluttony (which from watching tv and movies I'm led to believe is a popular one for the ladies). So once in heaven would we still be limited to only doing sinless things (snoozefest) or can it be one big fantastical orgy of indulgences? If its the former than I kinda wonder what all the hoopla is about. I guess it beats the alternative of eternal torture.

Another thing with this heaven deal. It appears as soon as we get to the pearly gates that God or Jesus or St. Peter or whomever puts us to work. Like the deal with guardian angels. Would this just be like an initiation type thing "Thou shalt perform 10 tasks before thou shalt partake in the bounty of the heavenly orgy". Or, drawing from tv/ movies again, being some servant to someone higher up in the 'perfect world' . To that I say bullshit. As an aside - I always assumed those servants were not actual souls or spirits but just apparitions one could conjure up to fulfill ones desires, thus no harm no foul.

So as a final point I just hope if there is such a thing as heaven then I hope its like nightclub. Where you have to be all good and shit to get in, read lead a good life, and then you can let loose and anything goes once inside. Cuz if its just a different place to live by all the same rules and one still must worry about being smited by the All Mighty then I really wonder whats the whole point? If the latter is true I say let your hair down once in awhile and indulge in certain temptations before you go to a place where those things may become more restricted or non -existent altogether.

Snow vs. Rain

Well it snowed. Everybody seems to be all excited about the snow and I'll admit it that when it snows everything looks better. Its kinda like jamming all your clothes and shit under your bed. Your room isn't really clean it just looks that way. Mother Nature is just doing an old hide the dirt, dead grass and soggy leaves trick. Now that it snowed I thought I'd rant about how this past snowfall compares to the previous rainy days.

5 reasons why snow is better than rain:

1. When you pee in the snow you can show off your artistic genius. When
you pee in the rain you're just some dirty hick pissin on the front lawn.
2. When you're out in the snow it gives you a decent time frame before
you get wet, thus decreasing the chance of the horrible wet jean smell.
Rain you cannot just brush off before coming in the house.
3. Snow offers an abundance of new activites such as tobagganing,
snowball fights, snowangels. Rain offers little in the way of fun. You
could jump in puddles , but I'd rather flop in snowbank. I guess you
could sing in the rain, however carolling is a bit classier still.
4. Heavy snowfall makes driving fun. Personally, I love driving down a
street where previous tire tracks are pulling me all over the place. Its a
true battle between man and machine.
5. When it snows you don't have to worry about walking on the worm
laden paths, a.k.a sidewalks, the next day. I know its not a huge hassle,
but I said five reasons.

5 reasons rain is better than snow (this will be tricky)

1. ummmm... rain for the most part does not come with face numbing
winds. I'll admit winter kicks my ass with it's wind chill factor. I'll be
the first to admit I'm not a beefy guy (except where it counts).........
Hey ladieeeeeees!!! Ohh what a lie...half lie.
2. Rain is often accompanied by a wicked light and sound show whereas
snow just provides more whiteness. Whats the deal with that by the way?
Snow can't cuz a raucus in the heavens? Weak ass snow.
3. The next morning after it rains I am never blinded when I walk out the
front door. Damn reflective snow making me go all squinty and shit.
4. I much prefer mud to slush. Nobody likes slush season cuz its everywhere.
Mud stays where its supposed to, soccer fields, rugby pitches,
woodstock-esque hills, girls faces (apparently).
5. Rain does not have a crappy singer/rapper(?) with its namesake.
(yeah I'm stretching).

There you have it some pros and cons of weather. Fuck my rant topics are getting weak.
Somebody comment if you have any more pros or cons.

Diarrhea

Its only annoying if you have to be somewhere.

Rules not just for the road

This one observation, if you will, was sparked the other day while coming back from lunch. Walking back to the office I couldn't help but notice the pathetic display of human traversing that was being presented to me. This woman who was 5'shit" tall couldn't seem to do anything right.

In busy hallways, often found in malls and grocery stores, etc. you will notice 2 main streams of people moving in opposite directions. And not unlike driving, the streams are such where people pass on the right (left shoulder to left shoulder). Now maybe this girl was from England I don't know, but she just couldn't find the stream which was much easier to walk with and instead opted to weave and plow through conversations. To this I chuckled, for you could see how frustrated and angry she was getting.

So while walking this hallway two lefts had to be made. Again like driving, I suggest if you're the one going left make it a wide left turn (the streams usually force the wide left, but even alone in school halls the solo tight left often results in what we'll call the "mirrored stranger jig". We've all done it people! Needless to say the girl found herself performing this social dance upon both turns.

Side note - The mirrored stranger jig can be used as a nice ice breaker at a bar or club if executed correctly. Very important to not cross the line into creepy. 2 sways, pause (hopefully get a smile/laugh/eyefuck) then you can direct the girl by (hence contact) . You may go for another sway but the pause will tell you if you can push it. Then meet up with fellow jigger later with a drink.

Back to our little bumper car. She eventually managed to find the right stream. However, she was a speedy little devil and quickly came across a couple of slow walkers (who are a rant for another day) . Finally she did something right and slowed down and waited til it was clear to pass them. I really expected her to plow through the middle considering it was no problem when she was going at people head on. I don't care if you pass on the right or left as long as the coast is clear. However, during the pass, SPEED UP! There's nothing more annoying then someone passing at or minutely faster then the speed of the supposed "slow ones". Speeding up and getting back into stream allows other to pass as well.

Side note - Funny how the slow people causing all the trouble tend to be old or on a cell phone, just like on the road.

Just figured I'd instruct those people or person who reads this how to make the crazy Christmas shopping just a bit easier and safer. Driving doesn't stop when you park your car.

95% of commercials are...

Retarded! Like if you actually pay attention to what they're doing/saying, the commercial actually makes no sense. For instance, there's a commercial with this kid hopping around, seemingly on purpose, about 10 ft high with no assistance. By the end of the ad we find out the kid needs to jump this high in order to reach the chef boyardee on the top shelf ( which in itself is ridiculously overloaded with cans of the ravioli). Now are they saying eating ravioli will cause me to jump supernaturally high, or is it that my insane desire for the product will block out any common sense of finding a chair or stool on which to climb up on? Possibly both. Not only was this a stupid commercial but is a carbon copy of a cat treat commercial that came out a couple months previous. Pay attention, you'll find yourself saying one of these: "How did that relate to the product?", " What was the product again?" " That was stupid".
Stupid commercials aren't solely on television. I was driving the other day and a drunk driving ad comes on. Blah blah warning etc. (don't get me wrong I'm all against drunk driving I'm just getting to the stupid part.) They go on to say " make sure you don't go home in a cop car, ambulance or hearse". A Hearse?!?! Seriously? When did they become accident scene arrivals? If a hearse is there I'm starting to think something fishy is going on at this 'accident'. Hell, maybe this is just a really efficient city, I dunno.
Admittedly though, I miss not understanding some commercials. Like when they would pour blue coloured water on a pad. I had no idea what that represented and they were never very upfront about it either. Then along comes this bouncy red dot and they start saying period after every sentence. BAM like a disgusting slap in the face it hits me. Now that I'm thoroughly grossed out they proceed to do another blue water demo. Ahhh the good ole ignorant days, how I miss thee.
While on the topic of annoying television. For the longest time, it bothered the hell out of how people on tv never took off their shoes. They'd just trapse around the house, living room, kitchen, bathroom, BEDroom. Am I to believe that the dirt in America does not stick to their shoes except on occasion. Like when the kids would run in after the mom just mopped the floor, mucking it all up again. She'd yell at them, but you look and see that she's mopping while wearing SHOES! Who does that?? Idiots. However, I let this slide (supposedly), as I realized it maintaining footwear allows for better flow for exits and entrances to the scene.
What I won't let slide is the majority of characters complete indifference of going into water with their shoes on. I know during beach scenes or at the swimming pool they will be barefoot, but you will find the times when a couple will be walking down the beach and the tide is completely engulfing their feet ( shoe covered mind you) and completely ignoring the water. But I guess they don't need to worry since by the time they get home their muddy shoes will be looking brand new. Stupid continuity. Or if people are at a cottage and they all jump into the lake with their clothes on. Oh what fun! People don't jump into lakes wearing shoes for the fact that nobody likes wearing wet sneakers for the next 3-4 days. It'd be more realistic if people were goofing around and took off their shoes and socks cuz we've all been there and know eventually you may be thrown into the water. All I'm trying to say is that sometimes common sense is necessary on television, even for insignificant details such as when to wear and when not to wear footwear. Thank you and Goodnight!

50 Cent's new movie

Get Rich or Die Trying is the title. But from watching the previews does anyone else think a better title would have been 8 Mile: Fiddy Style? The only change in plot seems to be that 50 gets shot instead of the main character's friend.

Does anyone else think that...

the new pope is pure evil? That guy gives me the heeby-jeebies. Seriously, look at him.

Psychic Ice Cream

Here's a confession of mine. My favourite flavour of ice cream is strawberry. Now because of this when I wish to indulge in this dessert I basically have two choices, strawberry or neapolitan. There aren't the countless choices that chocolate lovers enjoy. This is precisely why I don't care for there being a noticeably larger portion of chocolate in my neapolitan. Whats up with that? When I purchase this flavour I expect an equal 1:1:1 ratio of chocolate to vanilla to strawberry. But NO its the chocolate that always takes a dominant role as if to say 'Vanilla... Strawberry... you should feel humbled and priviledged to share a box with my greatness'. Well to that I say fack off chocolate portion. And don't think I don't realize that there is also a greater amount of chocolate that comes in the swirled neapolitan tubs. Grow up chocolate! You're featured in numerous other flavours, let the strawberries and vanillas have their time in the figurative sun.

Now this rant was referred to in a devo post about 4 days ago. In this post he states that he read this text 'the other day'. So it appears as though our friend devo is a bit of psychic. After knowing him my whole life I come to one of two conclusions. 1) He's been hiding this secret of seeing insignificant snippets of the future from me for years or 2) he's just referring to the msn conversation we had. Although it seems pretty obvious that 2) is the actual choice that doesn't explain the phrase 'the other day' (which stills refers to a time previous to the msn convo) so it appears I've uncovered your secret Mr. Thats So Raven. If any of you readers get that reference thats pretty sad. But don't feel too bad for I am the one who actually created it. However, calling devo a ficticious husband of a raven symone character on the family channel has a nice kick-in-the-nuts quality which is quite refreshing to dish out.

Seriously now, my friends, the previous part was all in jest. Lets recap: Too much chocolate in the neapolitan, devo is a pseudo psychic and real psychics are stupid. I'm aware I didn't mention that point about the real psychics early but its the truth. Sure they aren't stupid in the sense they know how to make a living at what they do, but stupid in the sense that unless you're going for kicks and its relatively free its a waste of money. I could elaborate on some experiences of mine, but I shall save that for another day.

So long

Profile Stuff

What the nuts??

I try and make my profile more interesting but putting a few minor facts
in there and by putting in my birthday it shows up as a bunch of fruity
astrological crap.
Thanks a million Blogger.

On a side note I just found out that I'm a Boar, hmmmm.
No thats not a typo.

The Inaugural Rant

Hello! Ok, done with the greeting portion of this message.
I have been putting this off for awhile until I was good and ready.
I feel I've collected enough material to put out the first of many
rants. Plus I am feeling a nice mix of being sauced and tired to
really get the writing juices flowing. If I make any typos they are
the result of the aforementioned state and should be disregarded
upon sight (the typos not the point I'm conveying). Fuck just
starting and already 2 maybe 3 big words, get used to it.

I am going to start off by airing some of my personal pet peeves.
First of all, I hate the the term pet peeves because it implies they
are your favourite hates thus making them almost sentimental hates
even though you have dealt with them in some fashion. Anyways, what
really grinds my gears (credit Family Guy movie for that term) is
noisy eaters. Partly because I'm not a morning person and mainly
because slurping and the sound of chewing and the sound of a spoon
clinging a bowl during cereal consumption just drives me up the
wall. My family realizes this. I used to yell at them in the
mornings but eventually stopped realizing its my problem and instead
would just storm into the shower. (Storming = irately, yet
cautiously making sure the bathroom was void of other non-breakfast
eating family members.) Now I realize Asian customs say slurping is
a complement to the cook,but fuck its annoying as hell. It really
is. There is no need. I bring up the Asian point because a fellow
co-op student of mine, who don't get me wrong is a decent guy and
all, would slurp his orange juice so loud every morning it was
insane. Another thing that bothers the hell out of me is when people
speak a different language other than English in my presence. Usually its
some form of chinese (mandorin or cantonese) just cuz I'm either in
Toronto or Waterloo but I can see Spanish or Portugese being just as
annoying. Again its not like its wrong to speak a language you've learned
but say I'm on a bus sitting opposite two people speaking
a different language, fuck, everyone has the right to eavesdrop on
the conversation. thats an unspoken rule is it not? Cuz eventually
they start laughing and looking around and it makes you paranoid as
hell. I know its not done on purpose, hopefully, but if
its not an official language of the country its like some cruel code
used to make fun at my expense. I say official language cuz I know enough
French to get by. Basically I'm saying its not fair that they can
eavesdrop on me and understand everything I say and then they can
go into their code language anytime they want privacy or to share an
insult/joke. Thats bullshit. In 1st year there were guys on the
basement floor who used to do the insult thing until my buddy Arthur
said 'Guys, I can understand you.' Man that knocked me out, it
really did. i love it when that happens.

Similar to the noisy eating thing is sniffling/hacking/clearing of
throats on public transportation. I'll be waiting for the train in
the morning with everyone else and people are having pleasant
conversations and it really is fine. Then as soon as we board, its
like some kind of bodily orchestra is tuning up. Its revolting! I
inevitably sit in front of the leader of the day on average twice a
week. They always switch it up I swear, its not like I'm stupid
enough to always sit in front of the same hackensniffler.
I know they can't help it, and I hate myself when I become a
bandmate but fuck I'd rather have snot dripping down my face and
wipe it now and again, on my sleeve if nothing else, to spare my
fellow passengers. I can position myself to spare them the visual.
And all I ask for is the same kind of compassion in return.

Another thing i've noticed is about the ctrl-alt-del combo. Could
they have made that more awkward to do one-handed? I know what your
thinking and haha I'm only using one hand on the keyboard. But
honestly half the time its just tha I like to lounge sideways in my
chair and am too lazy to reposition myself to use both hands. I'm
finally getting better at contorting my hand to accomplish the
single-handed ctrl-alt-del feat but man would it kill them to line
delete up with alt and ctrl. Currently I have some mystery button
there that I'm pretty sure hasn't been touched in all the years I've had
this keyboard.

Moving on to dress clothes. Now i know that most guys love shopping
for suits. In fact its pretty much the only clothes shopping we do
enjoy. Shoe shopping bites, pants are annoying with having to try
them on and all, tops are bearable but we would rather just cope
with birthday and christmas gifts than go out and try shit on. But
suits, man when you do that you feel like a mobster. Its nice being
all gussied up and having some guy who is at least 3x your age
fucking down on his face chalking your pants to make sure its the
proper fit. It makes you feel big and important. But even then
some parts of the the getup bother me. First and foremost are the
dress socks. Why is it the sweatsocks easily have the right
elasticity to them yet dress socks apparently need to be
ridiculously tighter. Its ridiculous. Seriously. After work or
wherever you are you come home, take them off and instantly you can
see where your sock was because your shin becomes 3 times skinnier
instantly. And at the opposite end, some dress socks your put on
and they are so loose you take a couple steps and suddenly you're
barefoot with a ball of material in the toe of your shoe. Come on!
Merge with sweatsock/sport sock companies if need be and learn their
apparently secret elasticity formula. Another thing is round
shoelaces. First they can't give me socks that maintain the
continuity in the shape of my shin but now they can't give me a lace
that will stay tied for more than an hour. And I've tried double
knotting but fuck that only gives me another hour leeway tops.
One thing I do like though is about the dress shirts. If I decide
not to a t-shirt underneath my dress shirt sometime I like to sneak
my finger in and play with my belly button. Just for kicks.
Actually I'm 22 now, maybe I should stop doing that.
Fine its official, I shall call it a navel. I like to play
with my navel and dress shirts allow easy access. Now its not some
kind of perverted playing, its just fun.

People always look at people with fullbody tattoos, I'm talking
about the ones where 95% of their body is covered, like they are weird
and complete morons. People will think that even if they don't visually or
verbally express it. But we all appreciate that there are those who
have the work done so that we at least know what it looks like.

After going to Vegas, i am spoiled with the oversized revolving
doors. I really am. They have it so about 4 people can go through in
the same section comfortably. Now I'm back to the shitty one-man
sections that interrupt conversations and traffic jam flow in and
out of buildings when with a large group of people. Ridiculous.
Also, sometimes I like to be all macho. Mainly when I'm approaching
an automatic door. I'll be like ' I'm not slowing down, cuz I know
you'll open for me you son of a bitch. I'm just gonna walk through
as if you weren't even there.' Then you notice the door is reacting
very slowly to the confident power stride. Eventually you have to
slow down about an inch from the door to avoid looking like an idiot
(for purposely walking into a glass door). Man I hate it when
automatic doors punk me out like that. I really do. Honest to God.

If you go to Vegas, gamble at the Stardust and look for the dealers
Bobby, Ann or Janet. They win you money. Dealers Yan and Sunny
won't help you, but they're awesome and you'll win due to the
former's teachings. Susan fucking has a horseshoe crammed up her ass
and there is know way to beat her.

I'll let you guys digest this and I'll be back with another issue of The Rombus Rant.

Birthday Blog

In somewhat of a coincidence this blog was born 22 years to the day after me. I didn't really plan it out that way, it just sorta happened. Now I realize this is not a rant but more of a greeting/test post to see if I'm doing things correctly. I'm sure you will find points of interest eventually posted on this blog so check it out everynow and again so I don't feel my venting is in vain. My rants may be about anything from shoelaces to economic policies.

I guess I should create a sign off catch phrase, but until then I'll probably just end my posts awkwardly.

So come again, friend.